2011 : The Saddest Time

11:40 PM

I was planning to dedicate my weekend to write about what's been going on with my family for the past 5 years now. It took me the whole day and full album of Stars and Rabbit to reach the willing to share, because this is the only story of my life which i don't want people to know, i don't want people look at me with pity.
Why now? Because we're steady right now, we're happy, so this writing isn't meant to look for any attention or sympathy, i just want you to know we survived it all, and if you have a broken day, remember us who can make it through the storm.
I'm going to warn you that i have a short term memory so there will be so many 'i forget' and 'i guess'

It was a fine morning, i woke up, prepared everything to go to school (i was in high school). I had a breakfast with full members of my family. The day was usual, ordinary. I couldn't recall what day that was, i guessed it was saturday. I used to hang out after school, but that day i went straight home. I came home from school around 2pm.
It was such a quiet afternoon at home, i guessed no one home. I entered the house from the garage like i used to do, through the kitchen, and then i felt something odd. The sink was full, there were unfinished dishes, but mom wasn't there, mom never left dishes unfinished. Never.
I went to my room, dropped my bag, got change, opened my laptop and started play some music, i hated silence.
I heard my aunt calling my name, she searched every room and found me sitting there in my room. Her gaze made me uneasy, that second i realised there's something wrong.
She said my mom was in the hospital. No, it's not her that'd been hospitalized. It was my sister. She said she got an accident this morning.
The first thought was why no one told me earlier. And then it didn't matter. I jumped off my bed, changed my clothes again and hurried to the hospital.
I forgot what i felt what i saw what i said the first time i got there. All i knew was i didn't think it was a minor accident like i used to have. I tell you what i remember, my sister condition was horrible.
That morning around 9am, she rode her motorcycle to go to campus, next town. She had a scholarship business to be done at that time. It was not to long after she went, my mom got a call from someone, i didn't know the details. My sister crashed into a box car which made turn with no signal. It was not only my sister, there was another motorcycle which crashed, luckily their condition wasn't as bad as my sister. My sister was taken to a small hospital nearby by the helpers. But my mom demanded her to be transferred to another hospital, where i was standing holding my tears looking at my most precious people sitting hopelessly in front of Intensive Care Unit room.
They said there's something wrong with my sister's spinal chord and it affected her nervous system, which i didn't understand at that time. She couldn't move her legs and arms. The doctor said it could be done with surgery, but most people couldn't get through the surgery well. It was terrifying, very very terrifying. After few days in the ICU, my sister was moved to another hospital to have surgery.
It was the hardest time for us, it was ramadhan, we're fasting, my mom and my dad was in the hospital 24/7 to take care of my sister, and i was home and had to take care of my lil brother and grandpa, kept going to school, went to hospital after school, went home prepared meals for grandpa and brother, and it went on. I was lonely, but i couldn't whine.

It was the day of my sister surgery, i went straight to hospital after school. There were the whole family in the icu waiting room already. I joined them, had a bit lunch, small talk. Some of friends came too, but i had to admit, i hated them for being there, i hated them to see my life was so down at that time.
The surgery room's door was opened, we startled, stood up and walked to it. My sister was rolled out of the surgery room. She was awake, i looked at her watery eyes until it's flooded and run through her pillow. It was horrible, i was shaking, not knowing what to do, what to say, what to think.
She was taken to icu room, my parents followed her in. The doctor said the surgery went well and he predicted she could walk again after approx 6 months of exercise.

I hated him saying that.

You know, we're muslim, we celebrated idul fitri after ramadhan. It was the saddest idul fitri ever. I wasn't literally alone because there were grandma, grandpa and my brother, but having myself in the front row with only my grandma, praying together, i couldn't held my tears, it kept coming down as i heard the imam citing every single ayat. After doing shalat idul fitri, i went to hospital with my brother, i didn't care about tradition and celebration at home anymore. May i say it once again? It was the saddest time. I could still recall how i pretended to be asleep when i heard my mom crying in the middle of the night. I could still recall the fake smile on my dad's face trying to convince me that everything's gonna be okay. I knew it won't.
I was just a kid who didn't know what to do at that time.

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