Why The Hell Not

10:41 PM

I wish there will be days when a group of people doubt my integrity, some other people will point at my picture and say " I don't know what you're talking about, even though we're not so close with her, and even she doesn't know us at all, we know she's one of a kind.
She, who dare to take the responsibility, to take the risks, to take the blame and to sacrifice for her loved ones. She, who stand up for justice, defend who's right, help those whom in need and care for humanity.We completely know she's no perfect, there are flaws everywhere, she did make mistakes, but who didn't, right?
I remembered when we first met her, she smiled and hugged us as she already knew us for a long time, the way she stared at us showing no arrogance but confidence.
But, who am I kidding? we did have a lot of fight, she's stubborn enough to defend her arguments, bossy enough to lead us to some conclusions and strict enough about time management. But sure we know she did it for us, to discipline us.
She's such a sweetheart by letting all the laughs and the smiles spread around her freely and smartly hiding some problems behind it. She had another side that we didn't know, that introvert side of her.
You know... she's she. If only we had a chance to say one thing to her, we would say 'you're someone we look up to'"

okay, maybe that's too much :p I only have few friends who really know me and accept me that well, having a trauma of trusting people too much really affect daily life for sure. but imagining someone defend me from bad - back - talk about me is so touching for me, even more having the thought of how many people will cry at my funeral and how many of them will be really devastated by my death, it's just an absurd thinking.
I really need them who will catch my back, who will fully put trust on me, who will walk side by side with me, because I just got some kind of big responsibility, which is rare for a girl to be on it because it's men majority in my faculty and some people are just not believing me because i'm a girl who used to use heart more than brain, who used to overthink small matters, who used to be weaker. I don't deny those statement, because it does happen... sometimes. but the responsibility's just put in my hand, and by that, of course i won't bail. And when there's something new in my life, it's like part of me whispers 'WHY THE HELL NOT'

credit to Rakha Dewanto for editing

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