Dr. Watson Didn't Get My Message

8:35 PM

now i know why children should have a real big dream. why why why? they haven't met giant obstacles that can crush their dreams into pieces. what is it called? oh, LIFE.
once, i was in elementary school, my weight was just 28 kgs, i had a long hair tied together in rubber ban, i'd been learning 20 new english vocabularies when my teacher asked me what i would i be when i got bigger, i had seconds to think about it, then i said, i wanted to be an astronaut. i didn't know why but surely there's something fishy in my teacher's smile. he said "Good", the he walked away and moved to question another children. majority answered they wanted to be a teacher, and back then i thought "Are you kidding me? do you wanna teach a kid like that" i said while pointing to the most naughty boy in class, and that naughty boy happened to have a dream being a pilot. Good one.
i was so sure i wanted to be an astronaut, it was fun just thinking about it. the way that i could float in the air, the way i saw thousand stars, being a part of milky way. there's a day when i went to school and it was a really foggy morning that i could only see things in 3 meters in distance, i saw the whole paddy field i used to see was just like a huge cloud on the ground and it's just like there were no boundaries, there's no sign of limitation. so i assumed "oh, this is how it feels to have no boundaries, maybe the space is just like this", and it was scary.
so by the time being, little by little, the biggest dream of my life is vanished. as i grow up, now i know, it's not affordable, it's possible but hardly come true. first, it's bloody expensive, i don't know exactly how much but even i sell my soul it won't be enough. second, i don't know how to do it, i don't know what profession i shall take to be an astronaut. third, even if i can afford it, it will be a wasted to spend things that i earn on my own sweat for something like that, i'll rather take the whole family to Mecca or go on a world tour or go to Taylor Swift's concert or feed my country with my money than just take myself to the moon.
as people growing older, also, they getting more logical, rational and realistic. that's why people, including me, looking for a job by the money that earned. and those magical dreams fade away, it doesn't mean that what we dreamed about was childish, hell no sir, if you think so, that childish thought was your root of life, one goal that being the seed of your highest leave, the background of your own drama... until this day.
even though i no longer try to achieve my biggest dream ever, but having the thought that i'd ever wanted to be that, always makes me proud enough. and if other people laugh at it, i will laugh back, i find it funny too.

the thing is... don't dream too small, stop comparing yourself with others, you know there's billion type of colors and you're one of them, none of them are exactly same, you know sometimes you're out of control and being a bitch, but you know even the nicest person has her own limits. i know it's getting out of topic, but someday if you had a bad day, throw yourself out of your room, look up at the sky, and whisper it to yourself "God, i know You're watching me, help me".

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