6:47 PM

hi sunset.
i miss you goddamn much.
i have a lot to tell you.
you've been away for a while.
you've been too kind to let your whole way being blocked by the clouds.
you've been too kind.... too kind.

it's been weeks since everything's so messed up  in my country, Indonesia. floods are everywhere, Sinabung (volcano) erupts, flash floods in Manado. God gives too much, for us who act too much either. those habits which grow all over the place in Indonesia, throwing trash everywhere, building towers without thinking, crossing politics' ethics, corrupting, and such, day by day those things become common things.
but, sunset, when all those disasters are going on out there and i sit here can do nothing, i have my own disaster. do you remember the last post that has been written? it was long ago, right? i can tell you now that i have been freed from all those hardness of 3rd semester, i had the lowest time of my life in the middle of it. and it was the turning point in my college life.
i used to be that one who cheered people up, now i'm not. i used to be that one who knew everything from everybody, now i'm not. i used to be that one in the front seat of the class, now i'm not. i used to be that one who felt everything was in my hand, now i'm not. i used to trust everyone with my secret, now i don't. i used to be a chatterbox, now.. i don't think so.
i'm in a crisis of trust. i keep loosing people that i don't know what to do, how to act and where i belong. i shut people out, because i think it's easier than telling what's inside my head. i keep my life for myself, and not letting anybody in. i ain't gonna curse anybody about what she did that make me like this, i'm just gonna channel myself as that Frozen's queen who shut the world out.
"conceal, don't feel, don't let them know"

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