Restoration

12:33 AM

hai!
my i-don't-know-what-to-call-you friends, because i don't like the phrase 'best friends'. I am so glad to have you all. i don't know how you all end up stepping into my life, even though at first we're not a total stranger but who knows the fate brings you right in front of my way. i know some of you might not always be my savior, not always be there when i needed, not always care for my business, not always know what the hell i went through, not always come in the right situation, not always nice even sometimes have a little chicken fight for a while. but that's not it, yes you do ever heard the words 'nobody's perfect', go that way and you'll find everything makes sense.

i don't know how to arrange words by words to show you how i'm really grateful and thanked just to have ever known you. i swear i'm not the person who can always be nice all the time, but you accept me anyway. you know i'm a total pigheaded person, and often argue for a little thing, but you (esp. Arden & Ade) never take it too hard, and it will be ended, like, 5 minutes then. 

there were always some serious conversations when we caught in a bad thing, and when it goes to YM (hahahahahaha) i definitely still have the archive of the whole conversation.other than that, some silly conversation also comes up from texts, sometimes it's just 
"have you slept?"
"haven't yet. why?"
"nope, just looking for company"
sometimes it's just
"global TV, NOW"
then i'm just like "what's it?" because i don't really like watching TV
and then they will "It's Taylor" or "It's Sean" or "It's a movie, there's a guy from Wild Child"
i will miss that thing while i won't have any TV in my future boarding house. 
that was the time when the school bell rang and some of us just stay in our class, literally not doing nothing but we just assumed we're doing nothing because we didn't have productive doings. we'd just sing randomly, play card and such.

i cannot just tell specifically and point out your name because i can't really remember details and there's moment when some people aren't included. i cherish all the things we've been through, cause yeah it has been  a lot going on, by that i do really mean A LOT.

as what i've said i know i'm not a good person, i'm a jerk. so it's okay if you scold me at some times, it's okay for you to tell me that i'm a fucking annoying person, it's okay if you tell people my bad side, it's okay to talk bad about me behind. but please come to your sense then, just do that for a second and back being my i-don't-know-what-to-call-you friends, okay i'm so demanding. or you can just continue doing that, then i'll continue pretending you're not doing that :)

beside the gratitude, i do need to apologize A LOT to you. i'm so immature that i can't control myself not to hate people, sorry. i'm so bossy that i yell to people instead of talking nicely to gain a help. i'm so over confidence that sometimes i think i can handle anything by myself when the fact is i cannot. i'm so ignorant that sometimes i don't care what you are up to. even sometimes i don't let you finish your words first. i'm thinking too much and over reacting, that may lead me to 'Ms. wow-so-important'. i deeply sorry for every hearts that are hurt, every single waste feeling just to please me but i can't give it back, every words that haven't finished, every awkward situation i make, every sudden shouting that i randomly make. i'm so so so sorry.

thank you for spending more than 1.000.000 seconds with me. thank you for making me not-whiny girl anymore. thank you for teaching me anything. thank you for appearing your face in front of me. thank you for asking my sister's condition. thank you for encouraging me. thank you for trusting me. thank you for making me laugh. thank you for all the hugs.

i will always wish to always see you, it's not impossible but it will be hard to make it, so instead of 'always' it's better to use 'occasionally'. be healthy, be happy :) 20 years from now on, we'll meet again as a 'real person', won't we?

at last, Happy Ied Al-Mubarak, minal aidin wal faizin, mohon maaf lahir batin. i know my sins can't be exactly reduce to zero, but at least it's reduced.












with the whole honesty and sincerity,
Fakhriyyah

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