Post It to God

9:54 PM

lemme remind you i'm a moslem

Ya Allah,
i'm really really sorry for everything that i've done, i'm down on my knees begging for your forgiveness. please please please, forgive me for making any bad things. i'm sorry sometimes i forget to thank You, i'm sorry sometimes i forget that i have You, i'm sorry sometimes i have bad prejudice to You, i'm sorry sometimes i disrespect Your rules, i'm sorry sometimes i ignore Your call, i'm sorry i'm not a good moslem, i'm sorry i'm barely touch Quran, i'm sorry sometimes i'm so superglad that i forget to always remember You, i'm sorry i can do nothing to remind my friends to be always with You, i'm sorry i always make You disappointed, i'm so sorry    i dislike some of Your creatures, i'm so sorry i bail on some prays, i'm sorry sometimes i brake my promise, i'm sorry i'm a bad bad girl, i'm sorry for everything.

i'm really really scared right now, i have made a whole lot of sins, it's uncountable, way more than my kindness. i'm really really sorry. You give me everything, You never make me feel un-enough, You always grant my wish, You give me the best. i'm so sorry, i don't know how many times i will say sorry, but i know it'll never be enough. You give me the best people to guide me, You give me perfect life. You give me sunrise when i go to school, plus sunset when i go back home, those are the best scenery You give me everyday, i don't even pay for those, and i don't even ask for those beautiful beautiful things, but You give me anyway. thank you soooo much.

thanks for giving the best couple who raises me, i don't wanna make them disappointed, i can't stand to not cry when i see both of them crying, that's the worst feeling. celebrating Idul Fithri and Idul Adha unusually without them around is like... i can't describe it. seeing them smile when i know everything is absolutely going wrong is like... my heart's cut, but i know i have to go with it, i may not break their forced smile. it's really really... hard. you mustn't have known how you feel when you sleep in front of ICU room, and suddenly you're awaken by the voice of woman crying, then you find out, it's the woman who gave you birth. and the feeling when the strongest man you know in your life suddenly gets the red eye, falls ashore on his knees and begins to tear up. please please please Ya Allah, please give them all Your mercy.

Ya Allah, if You wanna punish me, please i'm begging You, i really really beg You to not involve them in it. give the punishment for my sins just to me, don't involve them.

please give me the best result for every single examination that i've taken, i may haven't done the best, but please grant all my prayers. i swear to You, i don't wanna disappoint them. i'm afraid they may disappointed in me. i know i know... i know i've already made a lot of mistakes and sins. but please please please, give me the best. please please please let me get what i want, let me make them proud, let me make them smile a really pure beautiful smile, let me make them happy, let them loosen their burden a lil bit, let them fell free for a while. please i beg You, help me. i have nothing. give them everything. lighten their life. i love them so much.

i've failed thousands time, but Your mercy still remains. THANK YOU SO MUCH.

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