Cracked Stone

8:38 PM

secrecy...  
is something that is kept by certain people 'just' for themselves. i've lived for seventeen years and i've survived with it, secrets. i was so small when the first time i knew what it is like to have a secret, i'm not really sure i think it's when i'm 8, in the third grade of elementary. i remember those were happy days with only 800 rupiahs on my pocket, and always went home through a really tiny lane between two houses. and there's also one kid who had the same way home with me, he always walked in front of me. but our ways were branched in the edge of the lane. since we were kids, we didn't really know how to say goodbye to each other, though at that time there's still a childish gap between us. so when we reached the tip of that narrow alley, he turned one's head, he looked at me, and i simply just glared at him, then we walked apart. all those happened without any smile or specific emotion drawn on our faces. yeah that's just that. 
And the moment, when we washed our feet after PE in the side of river. we're not really in the river actually, there's a cracked stone in the fringe of the river which had a really refreshing water flowing out. it's also cleaner by the way, because the water from the river had been filtered by the stone. unique thing of this water flowing way was... there's also small river above it, it flew across the big one. i sat on a rock and put my shoes side by side by the other while cleaned up my tiny toes. i played a little with a small black snail which had cone shaped shell, i was fearless when i was little, now i'm a chicken. with the wind blowing and the rush of overflown water, that clumsy friend of mine made a beautiful disaster by kicking my shoes accidentally. i endured my crying all the way back to class, my friend felt so guilty that she couldn't dare to look at my face and talk to me. i went directly to my seat and drowned my face in my arms. i was in the 'please, leave me alone' situation, then i felt something knocking on my head. i lifted my head up, all i saw were my other blue-white shoe - the right one - and the tired face of little boy that covered up with water. i wasn't really sure what's happening until he knocked my shoe on my head again. i took my shoe from his hand as he walked away, left me with small amount of water in  the corner of my eyes. 
as we grew older, those innocent faces faded. the small narrow lane had been closed by the owner one of the houses. the water that flew from a cracked stone was already stopped streaming. both already had a thing we called a 'clique', both already had what we called hype friends. even, things getting really worse, when i finally moved out of town. all my friends gave me goodbye hug before i left, they gave me their best drawing on their goodbye cards, even my teachers gave me good luck charm. so when all's set, my bags are packed, the mover truck already loaded up, i got in the car, i looked at the rear view mirror, all my friends waved goodbye when i left. all of them, but him. he saved his both hands on his pocket, stared coldly at my car, with no emotion written all over. 
both kept each other feelings as a secret, i didn't know what he want and so did he. and if in the future someone ask me about him, i'd say i knew him,very well.


hellooo everybody, that was my really really short fictive story :p which i wrote because i was bored. i do have so much to tell, but all the words just hang on in the air, can't really describe what i feel right now, because mostly, yes, relieved of everything that i've got, scared of what's gonna happen in the next 72 hours, sad of missing my friends so bloody much, terrified, confused, surprised. all of these are mixed here, in my head, and i'm not gonna keep it this way, i know i'm messed up yet mixed up but i'm not gonna make this lil' girl inside my body feels miserable, so the suggestion of being happy is still going on right now. wish me luck on my both exam's announcements, k?

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