Love? duh!

8:45 PM

when i was young, all that matters about 'love' is how to keep our friends still be our friends and how to make a beautiful lady we called 'mom' smiling to us when we got a good mark. eventually, it was about how to act nicely in front of my grandma so i could get a cookie.

years by years passed, till i knew how 'love' in movie could be real. when you waited someone to walk in front of you when you came back home in the long hall and you pretended that it was a coincident. and when you were at school you acted that person was the first enemy of yours, but inside you worshiped him to his feet, this is Helga's typical (on Hey Arnold!, you know?). and the next day your friend said that he got a crush on you hahahahahaha that always made you fly to the edge of the sky, a funny lame puppy love.

the next years, you looked back and you found those were really hilarious, but yet you still had another love life went on. i can guarantee in the age of thirteen most of girls already have their crushes, whether they get them or not it depends, on what? aggressiveness. this is about difference confidence of each person. i learned it from one of my friend; the one who dare, the one who faster, the one who has more confidence, the one who brave, got it first.
but you know what the one who doesn't have those all? they're shy enough to show their feeling, the only way to make him know is from God. it does sounds terrible, but who doesn't do that, duh! even i admit myself did that. so, in the end, this girl end up with making a decision to move on and to not look back, past is the past.

when you get older and older, all the level of society getting higher, all your burden getting heavier, the whole responsibility of your life begins to be all yours, all the cartoon seems nonsense, and so do your love life, it's getting waaay more complicated. the alligator and the cow, in this level, are still existed.
another friend of mine who love one girl crazily, he does whatever it takes to be with this girl. he protects her with his whole heart. he feels super happy when he laughs with her. they're friend, the girl thinks they are always just a friend, but the boy expects more. this is the hardest part of his life. he confesses to this girl that he likes her, he already and always knows that the girl doesn't like him back, but he confesses anyway. i like his spirit though, he admits anything even though he already knows the girl's answer, he's gentle enough. i bet the girl doesn't really worth to be his girlfriend, she's really mean. again, what makes him a strong boy is he always... always meets this girl, because they're in the same goddamn class, what do you think? it's a hell.
other of the other, it's a girl, who used to date - let's call him - James. they were in love, mutual feelings. but then they broke up, but still be friends, though both still have some mutual feelings left. one day, James suddenly disappeared, he said to her that he went abroad. since that day, they both lost contact. the girl didn't try to call James, nor James. so, in the way of her moving on life, she found another lovely heart which wrapped in a such of beautiful smile - let's call him, again - Thomas. she kinda liked him, and he liked her with his whole heart too. but yet they didn't tie their relationship up, they just did what it is. and then several weeks, she heard again about James, she's so surprised that all this time, when James asked goodbye to go abroad was all lies. the truth was James hospitalized because of some kidney problem. she's so stucked. she felt like she's been betraying him with having a good relationship with Thomas. this situation made her to choose, between staying with Thomas or going back to James. in the end, she ended up with choosing none. so no one won or lost. but not fair enough for the three of them, all of them hurt.

i'm sorry for bubbling with so many love stories, but people around me taught me the most about this, i can not just leave it because so many people in the world dealing with stuff like this, who knows it might help just a little. should i go on? yes?
this boy and this girl had a good relationship too, both always text each other, every single second. even they had their own nickname. even though they're apart by distance they still always keep in touch. haven't found the problem? right! here's the big problem, is that the boy already had girlfriend, and that girl who always text him already knew about that. their relationship was so confusing. of course the girl wanted a certainty, of course the girl wanted to be his real girlfriend, of course the girl expected more. but unfortunately the boy didn't want to lose his girlfriend either, so the condition is like the boy set the girl's hope too high. what i suggest to the boy, 'you should stop, or you'll hurt someone more than you know'. this story still goes on, so i can't tell the end of this story.

if you reach this far and still consider to read more, two big thumbs to you, darls!
from those whole stories, i feel really terribly sorry for this one, i'm sorry i put your story here, my dear Jean. so this is a story from Jean. she's quite stubborn girl who has a lot of friends, she has a beautiful life with perfect family, she has a little paranoia syndrome, she's cheery. i'm gonna sing a song to her 'unlucky, you're in love with your best friend' - Jason Mraz ft. Colbie Calliat (with editing) -. she has a really close friend, they do anything together, they share everything, they have similar favorite music, they laugh at each other jokes even though the cheesy one. she loves him like a brother, and so does him. but the love she feels is the feeling of wanting him, she doesn't want him to be owned by anybody but her. she feels jealous when he's with someone else, sometimes she also feels that he doesn't want her to be with anybody else too. but she realizes that the feelings always up and down, so sometimes she wants him, but sometimes she lets him go, because she's not sure whether he likes her back or not. she doesn't have the guts to ask him, because she's afraid of ruining their friendship. she's terrified if she tells him everything, everything wouldn't be the same anymore. this Jean case, she's sometimes being aggressive one but on the other hand she's sometimes being the coward. this is like you're in the middle of crocodile and tiger, if you tell, you lose anything, but if you don't you'll just hurt yourself. until now, Jean decides to hide everything and not telling anybody, but me. so, she chooses friendship over love. worth sacrifice.

thank you for reading this far, i don't know what this is, i just feel wanna write this, because i already have the sum up above my head, it's growling up here, itching to explode.
the conclusion is, life's what you make it. you can choose to take the risk, each choice has bad-good effects. all you need to do is stand still to be always the pure you, follow your heart, i know it isn't as easy as just say it, i've been there. if you broke, just try not to hurt yourself, get some help, and always always remember there are lots of people waiting for your hug, there are lots of people still love you no matter what, and once again, remember, there's always a person in this world who will be sad seeing you cry. if you find deadlock in the end of your effort, don't forget God has an unlimited authority :) keep smiling, my dear!

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